I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
