Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.

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  (202): Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up. http://tfl.nu/bgl4
  Replies (11) Good night (1268) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.

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  (443): There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers. http://tfl.nu/zfa6
  Replies (24) Good night (1118) Bad night (2760) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  If you die in college, do you die in real life?

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  (813): If you die in college, do you die in real life? http://tfl.nu/s9pw
  Replies (42) Good night (9181) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?

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  (709): so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much? http://tfl.nu/jwju
  Replies (23) Good night (7057) Bad night (923)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.

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  (503): Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy. http://tfl.nu/7ct1
  Replies (11) Good night (539) Bad night (3048) Order T-Shirt
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  (562): View more from California

  he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him

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  (562): he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him http://tfl.nu/6w3v
  Replies (8) Good night (3031) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?

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  (919): Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"? http://tfl.nu/qjxq
  Replies (7) Good night (4206) Bad night (998)
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  (925): View more from California

  We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous

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  (925): We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/vmkf
  Replies (62) Good night (859) Bad night (6745) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.

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  (909): I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment. http://tfl.nu/mic1
  Replies (1) Good night (1022) Bad night (1906) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon

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  (708): I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon http://tfl.nu/l3g6
  Replies (2) Good night (1062) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now

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  (832): I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now http://tfl.nu/6g0n
  Replies (10) Good night (2478) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.

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  (724): NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside. http://tfl.nu/mev5
  Replies (3) Good night (625) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"

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  (+44): The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work" http://tfl.nu/byzn
  Replies (8) Good night (1520) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary

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  (502): to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary http://tfl.nu/qy10
  Replies (3) Good night (831) Bad night (248) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.

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  (305): No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen. http://tfl.nu/b2oj
  Replies (5) Good night (528) Bad night (129) Order T-Shirt

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