What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
