So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
