Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
