In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Jerry, you need to find god
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
