i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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