and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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