Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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