oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
