It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
