Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
