OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
