I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
