Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
