he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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