I can text with my tongue
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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