i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
