Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
