i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
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Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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