Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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