just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
