If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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