And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize