her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
