i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
