I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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