True but thats because hes a fetus.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
