my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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