i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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