I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
