i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
