I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
