It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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