I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
