if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You pole danced in your parka.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
