Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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