the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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