you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
