I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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