I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize