Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
