Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
