I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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