Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
