sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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