If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
