after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
