Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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