I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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