I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
