Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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