i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize