finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
