im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
