No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
