so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
