so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
