There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
