apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I look better un-naked...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
