WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
