wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
