so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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