If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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