Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
