It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
