I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
