I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
