Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
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I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
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Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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