Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
