Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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