Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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