Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
All I want is dick and wine.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
